I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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