yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
