DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
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You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
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I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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