The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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