Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
