Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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