I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
