Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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