do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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