I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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