I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
