We named our party play list daddy issues
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
