This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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