Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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