just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I could fuck to npr.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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