God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
