How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize