dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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