You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
