Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
