Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
