My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My hand turned me down
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
