this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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