So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
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By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
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Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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