cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
