I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
