ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
