There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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