her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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