She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
