My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
