Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
