you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
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Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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