I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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