saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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