therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
