i think my tv is drunk
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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