I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
