my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Pants are for mortals
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