her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
