so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
