No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
