So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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