I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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