I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
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T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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