I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
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He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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