I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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