so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
