Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
