What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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