White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
