Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
