He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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