R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
