it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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