M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
