Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
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Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
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FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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