My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
