I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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