I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
